Who is Ivan?

If you remember, I mentioned Ivan in one of my previous posts
Well, there were a few Ivans appeared in my life
but the most recent one is kind of funny

So I went to Croatia from Jun 26-29 with a bunch of friends
Since we had an amazing boat trip earlier in Greece
We just wanna redo it
At first, we booked the cheap boat with a lot of people on it
but then we decided to change to a private boat instead
it's like once you started it, you just want more and more

so we rent a private boat with a captain
The captain got on board and was welcoming us
as he looked around he stopped his gaze on me
and he suddenly poke my cheeks and say "look at these!"

So he is a cute chubby old guy
whom I heard from another captain that he has just lost her wife recently
and found sailing the only thing he really likes to do

so after we started sailing for a while
he asks if I wanna cook coffee
I was like why not
so I went to the kitchen and he started teaching me how to cook coffee
I could feel that he was really kind to me

In fact, I was having my period on that day
but I so wanna go into the water
but I'm so scared of putting on tampons
so I just jump in without giving any shits
it was my fifth day anyway

but I always tried to put a towel underneath before I sit
coz I dun wanna stain any white space on the boat
and Emily suddenly came up and asked if she can sit on my towel too
I said no
and she was like "why not" and sat on my towel anyway
then I whispered to her about my period thing
then she stood up and said "okay I understand"
and Daniel saw everything and he started asking me what's wrong
I said nothing but he kept asking "tell me tell me what's wrong"
I kept saying nothing and pushing him away and at that very embarrassing moment
Emily just stood there at the corner laughing
until Daniel's cousin came up and told him "I guess it's a girls' problem"
only then did Daniel shut up finally

At some point they all went to the front of the boat
sitting there enjoying the breeze and chill
but I just didn't wanna move myself and the towel together to the front
too much work
so I just stayed at the back alone
then the captain invited me into the cockpit
gave me a beer and started telling me how much he likes me but didn't know why
he talked to me a lot about Croatia and the scenery and stuff

then we arrived at an island
it was a place of his friend
so the captain went to greet his friends and we all met
at some point he suddenly held me tight and kiss my hair
I was like okayy maybe this is how Europeans act openly

After that we dived and swam a bit on the island
had barbecued chicken as lunch
and then headed back to Zadar
On the way, the captain kept telling me that he loved me or something
"Ich liebe dich! Come to me."
he kept saying this but I pretended that I couldn't hear
so I just laughed and ignored him

I was experiencing so much nostalgia at that moment
as all the memories I had with Andrew kept flashing back
the time when we went to a private island in Malaysia together
first time diving
playing in the water
picking shells
having barbecued chicken at night
all the things we did repeated on that day
I managed to find myself some personal space
staring at the ocean
reminiscing and crying

Suddenly he came up and handed me a leaflet
he circled his name "Ivan" with his phone number on it
and wrote "2100-2130" on the paper
I didn't realise what that mean at first
until he asked me to call or go to him at 9pm that night
I was like
"Bro are you serious?"
I said I'd need to ask my friends
but he said "no, don't tell others. Just you."
I tried to keep a smile on my face and said "okok"

So after I got off the boat
I told all my friends about this
and they were laughing so hard
and then they were like "go out and catch calamari for us"
"Hey it's almost 9pm"
"no wonder it's so cheap!"
"don't worry you got Ivan"
for the rest of the night

I probably felt a bit flattered in the beginning
but to be honest I felt a bit annoyed in the end
the thing is, he could be my grandpa...
At first I thought he liked me because I look like his daughter or something
it was until he asked me to come at night that I knew it wasn't really the case
and I honestly don't know what to feel
happy that I'm actually attractive in someone's eyes?
sad that I'm always attracted to people that I don't really fond much of?

I am used to people's shocked face when I tell them I have never ever dated anyone in my life
but it's not like I've never experienced love
I did fall in love
it's just that it's always either I like him but he doesn't like me,
or he likes me but I don't like him
When is a coincidence ever going to happen?